and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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