he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Sext me about skeletons
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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