Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
