LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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