I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
