No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
