Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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