Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
