I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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