just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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