this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
