once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
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