highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
