WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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