Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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