the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
