is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
