The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
