and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
