Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
