I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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