Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Randomize
