Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
