Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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