his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
