Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
