i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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