I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
