Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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