i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
