I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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