I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
