i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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