how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
