just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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