If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
