I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
