I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
