I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
