So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
