And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
