her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
