I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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