Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
