I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
high people should be assigned attendants
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
pray to the hookup gods
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
