Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize