no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
