I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
