I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
