Old men and throwing up are my life now.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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