if i can run in heels then i can drive
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
