is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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