i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
