You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
