hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
