Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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