i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We just shotgunned beers for America
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
