Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
