I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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