if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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