her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
