you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
