I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
