i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
