Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
