No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize