Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
