put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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