Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
