He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize