For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
