No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
