My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
