Define "chronic" masturbator.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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