..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
