Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
