dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
