Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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