I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
