Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
